Tuesday, December 4, 2012

An Anniversary of Sorts...

Usually, anniversaries are good things, right?
I think this one is, in a way.
Almost exactly one year ago, my life changed.
Now, I'm not being selfish, because really, everyone in my world's life changed.
My grandma got to see my grandpa and her daughter and her mother and father and brothers again.
My mom lost her best friend and confidant.
My brothers lost their grandma.
I lost my best friend.

Everyone says things like "you'll be okay" and "things will be fine" and "you'll get back to normal in no time".
It is never the same.  Ever.
I still miss her everyday.  Most days, I don't mope around and cry, because that would make her sad.
And when I do cry, it's for purely selfish reasons- because I miss her, because MY world is a little less bright, because I want her back.
And it's sad, in a way.
Many people don't understand the relationship that we had.  I was her remote-fixer, her fudge finder, her seasonal decorator, her hair comber, her nail painter, her personal court jester, her phone programmer and her Angelface.
To most people a grandma is just a grandma.
To me, she is so much more.
I say IS because I know I'll see her again, and as I type this, I realize that she's waggling her finger at me saying "Dolly, be patient."
I know this.
I know that in her world, it's a blink of an eye and she's loving every minute of her hereafter.  I know she loves being able to walk and see and hear and use ALL of her fingers.  I know how happy she is to see my Gramps again and to hold his hand.
But, still, I can't help but wonder if she misses me too?  If she is repaying all those years that I spent as her guardian angel by being mine?  If she's the one that sends primary kids my way when I need a little spark of sunshine?
Maybe this is why I am so grateful for eternal families.   I am grateful for temple work.  I am grateful that my family is sealed together forever.  For those of you who don't know what these things mean and you want to have an eternal family too, please go to www.mormon.org or www.lds.org or just ask.
So, because this song means so much to me personally, as well as to the artist that wrote it, I think it bears repeating and replaying.
Grammy-I love you and I look forward to the day that I can see you again.

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