The Loss of a Legend

Tonight, I have a very heavy heart.  Last Thursday, our community- both local and industry- lost an amazing leader.  Tomorrow, I have to go to her viewing.  And my heart is broken.

How does one begin to memorialize a person like Vanetta Griggs Wilson?  How do you even know where to start?  I suppose at the beginning.

When I was first hired at Chesbro Music almost 9 years ago, I had the opportunity to sit down with the company's CEO, Vanetta.  Now, I was terrified.  Seriously.  She's the CEO.  I'm just a little retail salesperson who likes to play the piano.  I'm nobody.  But not to her.  She explained to me that all of us at Chesbro were family.  We supported each other, we took care of one another.  She asked me about my career plans with the company...and then completely supported them.  Not only did she support them, but she gave me tools, ideas and suggestions on how to achieve them.  She reminded me that I was welcome in her office at any time and that she would always be there if I needed anything.

My next experience with her was my first NAMM show.  The NAMM show is the biggest trade show in the music industry.  It's huge.  It's overwhelming.  And I was terrified.  Vanetta gently reminded me of my talents and told me that she had faith in me and that I would represent her company well.  She stood beside me and taught me how to navigate the industry.  She showed me how to do business in a ladylike, gracious and effective way.  She showed me how I needed to treat each and every customer.  She told me that regardless of how big or how small a customer's business was that every one of them was important and should be treated as if they were my first priority.  She showed me how to deal with publishers and to be gracious, but to get them to do what I needed them to do for our company. Vanetta and I traveled together a couple of times and roomed together a couple of times.  She was such a thoughtful and kind woman.

Vanetta was a confidant.  She understood my trials.  She had them too.  She understood my need to be successful at something.  She understood when I needed to leave quickly to support my family.  She understood that I only got frustrated when our customers weren't treated fairly.  She was empathetic to my personal struggles and often offered advice, solutions and a listening ear.

There are so many things that I could say about her.  So many.  But above all, she was kind.  She exemplified the Savior in every aspect of her life, but it was evident most of all in her treatment of others.  Never an unkind word.  Never a moment wasted.  Never a smile not given.

While the world is mourning Paul Walker and Nelson Mandela, I am mourning someone who had a much more profound impact.  The world has lost an amazing, kind, gracious woman and we are worse for it.  The best we can do is to follow her example and be better people.  I will do my best to do better, smarter, more gracious, relationship centered business and to be a leader, a mentor and a friend in her honor.

Thank you, Vanetta.

Vanetta's Life Legacy and Service Information

My Life and Primetime Medical Dramas.

I am a HUGE Grey's Anatomy fan.  Like ...watched every single episode huge.
So.
Naturally, when I heard that this was Sandra Oh's last season, I was distressed.  I mean, she's Mer's person.
Like...
"If I murdered someone, you're the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. she's my person." - Christina Yang

So, I wondered...are they going to kill her off like they have everyone else? Or is she just going to pull and Izzy and disappear?
So, I watched tonight's episode...and here's what happened. (stop reading if you haven't seen it yet...and you want to.)
Basically, Christina steals a surgery because Meredith is busy being a mom.  Both admirable professions.  Meredith is understandably upset.  In her explanation, Christina explains that once upon a time, the two of them were walking the same path, heading for the same destination, together.  They had things in common.  They had inside jokes and a great unhindered relationship.
Then, Meredith adopted a baby and gave birth to another. Something had to give...and the path changed.  Meredith was on the fast track to mom of the year...while Christina was still ... Christina.
Both things are absolutely admirable and acceptable.
Most of the time.

I struggle with this on a daily basis.  I make friends.  I think we're awesome.  We do stuff together, we like the same things, we laugh and have fun, we cry, we vent, we live.

Then....something changes.

At first I thought I was just being a rotten, envious person. And then I realized, I'm not envious.  I love my life.  I love my little world.  And you love yours.  And that's okay.  But instead of being my person, you now have to be someone else's person.  And again, that's okay.  For you.
And I'm aware that you don't do these things intentionally.  I understand that family comes first.  I understand that mommyhood comes first.  I accept that.  But sometimes, I really need a friend...and when I struggle, I have no one to turn to because everyone is busy.  Busy with dance or gymnastics or soccer or school or life.  When my husband is gone, I have no one to call to go to the movies with...not because I know y'all won't go, but because I don't want to burden you.  I know you have more important things to do than watch movies and wander around the mall.

Infertility has made it so that I am forever stuck in young adulthood.  I still go to the mall and window shop.  I still go to movies.  I eat cupcakes for dinner...and breakfast...and lunch.  I wake up when I want to, I do what I want to, I watch what I want to...Tim and I basically do all the things we did when we were first married.  Not much has changed.
And that's okay.
I'm not saying that I'm sad or hurt or devastated because I've been through multiple Meredith's in my life...I just never pictured myself as Christina...
Please know that I think you're all great moms.  I think what you're doing is amazing.  I could never, ever do it.  Ever.  Know that I miss you, but I would rather you be where you are because I understand the value of a good parent.  Know that I pray for you and your kiddos.  I love you and your kiddos.  And just because I disappear doesn't mean I don't like you.  It means that my road is going to a different destination than yours is...and they're very far apart.
I understand.
And I hope you do too.
And it's okay if you don't...
Because I'm okay.

Wait. I'm a WHAT?!?

Right at this moment, I am so mad and so hurt and so annoyed that I cannot even think straight.
So please...forgive my rant.

Someone showed me something the other day and prefaced it by saying
"I thought you would enjoy this because you're such a feminist."

Yeah, that's how I felt.

So confused that only a gif from the Kardashians could explain it.

Let's clear this up right now.

I.

Am.

Not.

A.

Feminist.

Nor will I ever be.

Don't get me wrong.  I firmly feel that women should have all the rights and privileges as a man.  I think things should be fair.  But that's because I think things should be fair for everyone.

(is that Kardashian clip making you crazy too? scroll down.)

HOWEVER.

(and that's a big however.)

I believe that God gave men and women specific duties and gifts and talents in this life.

I believe that we should cultivate those.

I believe that we should exemplify those.

Now, I know.  I'm not a cookie cutter wife/mother/daughter/aunt/sister/woman/Mormon.

I get it.

That is not necessarily of my own choosing.

But because I believe in a merciful, loving and teaching God, I accept the life I was given and will do the best I can with it.

But just because I don't have children and I have a career in a male dominated industry doesn't mean that I am a feminist.

It means I don't have children.

It means I love my job.

It means I'm Perfectly Katie.

Just because I stand up for women and girls everywhere doesn't mean that I am a feminist.

It means I am a human being with a heart.

Just because I am more comfortable in a truck wearing blue jeans doesn't make me a feminist.

Just because I enjoy sports and hot wings instead of a cozy, romantic dinner doesn't make me a feminist.

It means that I like football and pickups and hot wings.

I love my husband.  I support him in his duties as a man, my husband and a priesthood holder.

And let's get this clear right now.

I don't want the priesthood.

EVER.

I really have enough to do already without that responsibility.

And really?

What is wrong with just being a good woman?  NOTHING!  

A good woman can change the world and beautify it in a way that no one else can.

No person can love you like a mother or a sister or a "primary" mom can.

A man cannot do what a woman can.

This is obvious.

Now, don't call me old fashioned.

I believe household duties should be shared.  I believe bill paying should be shared.  I believe that men and women should treat each other equally.  

But...if my husband needs a sammich, I should and do feel great about making him one. If he needs a patch sewed on, I can do that. If he needs our home to be a place where he can relax and feel comfortable and watch football and eat my amazing nachos, I can provide that.

Not only am I a career woman, but I am also a woman of God.

Which means that I understand my role and purpose and I am doing my best to exemplify that role.

This doesn't make me less of a person.  It means I have love and concern for the well being of my spouse and for the children (although they are just primary children) and the pets that have been entrusted to me.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

So there.

Blargh.

Speaking of sammiches...I need to go make some because hunting season opens in 4 hours.

Off my soapbox.

Feminist, sheesh.

Girl, please.

12 years...

12 Years.

I have been married to my very best friend and superhero for 12 years on Saturday.

So, because I don't tell him nearly enough...

Here are 12 things I ADORE about Tim.

1. His smile.

2. His ability to make me laugh.  Even when it's inappropriate.

3.  His work ethic.  He works hard.  Sometimes, too hard.

4.  His dedication to his calling and to the priesthood.

5. His adventurous nature.  Always ready to explore.  And he always encourages me to explore too.

6.  His calming nature. 

7.  His eyes.  They twinkle.  I love that.

8.  His ability to fix ANYTHING. Seriously. He could give Bob Villa a run for his money.

9.  His superhero-ness.  He can always save my day.

10. He is an EXCELLENT uncle, brother, son, friend, cousin, grandson, etc.

11.  He is a good man.  They are so few and far between...and I got the best of them.

12. The way he loves me. Loyal, kind, thoughtful and sincere.

Happy Anniversary, Husbandito.

Love you to the moon.....

and back.

Ministering, Murmuring and Mormons.

Let me begin by saying that I HATE MEETINGS.

A lot.

Sometimes, I feel like they consume my life.

So, needless to say, I was less than excited about the meeting I had to attend earlier this week.

However, because I have been teaching Primary children about serving the Lord with a happy heart, I was determined to have a good attitude.

But...I was still silently murmuring inside.

So, when the Stake President got up to speak, I was kind of only half listening.

And then- he said something that I will never, ever forget.  Ever.

"We need to be ministers and not murmurers."

Ho. Ly.  Crap.

10-4.

Loud and clear.

I read you.

And then I thought about it.

When has this been evident in my life?

For instance, I have had some primary kids in the past that were hard for me to handle.

And I served them...but I did it...begrudgingly.

Yes.

And then, I had a moment during a General Conference (which I am so excited for, btw) where I realized that it was my job to show them that they were a child of God, that I needed to be (for lack of a better phrase...) A Window to His Love (thanks Julie De Azevedo).  And it changed.  They were better behaved, more apt to listen and understand and obey.  And all because I decided to stop murmuring and start ministering.

Or...there was a woman in one of my wards that I did NOT like.  I thought she was snobby and rude and a not very nice person.  And then, I learned some things about her life, and I felt compassion for her and empathy for her behavior.  And our relationship changed.  And I'm happy to say, she's still one of my favorite people to this day.

So...it seems to me that this ministering thing is the real ticket to bringing people together.  It brings love and acceptance and understanding and empathy and kindness.  I KNOW that it works with children.  I have a testimony of that.  It's tried and true with them.  All they want is to know that someone really loves them and will be there for them if they need someone.  All a child needs is structure and love.  So, it stands to reason that this would work with adults as well.  

If you think of the world's greatest minister- He loved us all.  He served us all.  He cared about each and every one of us.  He is there to guide us, teach us, support us and love us.  Jesus Christ doesn't care where you're from, how much money you have, how important you are to the world...because you are important to Him.  Regardless.

That's what ministering is. It's treating people as Christ would treat them.  It's loving and supporting and teaching.

That sounds a lot more pleasant than murmuring.

So, in my quest for eternal perfection, I am going to try harder to be a minister and not a murmurer.

I will be the Nephi or the Moroni or the Alma in my world.  I will not be the Laman or Lemuel of my world.  (If you don't understand that last reference...you can check in out in my all time favorite book...the Book of Mormon- just head over to Mormon.org and click on something.  anything.)

And I dare you.  I dare you to try it for one week and see what happens.  Try ministering instead of murmuring.  Try to build people up instead of tear them down.  Trust me.  It will change your life and maybe someone else's.  And really?  Isn't that what we're here for?  To love and learn from each other? And then return to our Heavenly Father?

I know that we are.

So, go.

Change the world.

After you watch this...

Patriot Day

As I sit here in the quiet of the night, on the eve of Patriot Day...I have found myself thinking about why we have this day of remembrance in our country.
My grandma often talked about "the war".  She talked about how frightening sending her brothers and loved ones, including my grandpa, off to the armed forces.  She recalled the insecurity of the world, of our nation.
I felt that way about September 11th.
I will never, ever forget that day.
I was a 20 year old girl, in the midst of planning and preparing for my wedding day.  I woke up with a ring on my finger and the world at my fingertips.  Then...suddenly, that joy and excitement was replaced with fear.  My brother came and told me that I needed to look at the television...and I saw it.  I don't remember much else about what was being reported other than the facts.  I just remember sheer terror.  And anger.  So much anger and fear that it threatened to erupt at any minute. Until I stopped listening and started watching the people on the screen.  The firemen, the police, the volunteers....the families.  And in an instant, the anger was replaced by a deep sorrow, one that I can still feel every time I think about it.
And now, 12 years later, it still feels fresh and real.
Especially when I compare myself to those souls that were lost that day.
Right about now, they were going to bed.  Maybe they were happy.  Maybe stressed out, maybe looking forward to the next day or the weekend or an upcoming event.
Did they know?  Did they feel what was coming?  Did they feel a sense of impending tragedy?
Did they tell their family they loved them that night? Did they spend a few extra minutes with their children or their loved ones or their pets or their friends?  Did they have everything in order...just in case?
Or, did they do what we're all doing right now?  Waiting for some laundry, scratching the cat, washing dishes, surfing the internet, paying a bill, thinking about work, trying to decide what to wear, watching a movie and "glorifying the busy" of life?
Had they know it was their last evening at home with their loved ones...would they have changed their schedule or activities?
Would I?
Every year, on this day, I vow to be kind.  I vow to make my world better.  I vow to stop being so damn busy all the time.
So, its time for that again.
Do I really need to watch reality television or is there something better I can do with my time?
Can I put down my phone for an hour or two and really listen and talk with my husband?
Can I slow down for a minute and pay attention to those around me?
Can I stop rushing from place to place and instead meander through and stop to figuratively smell the roses?
Do I really need to yell at the person in the car in front of me?
Can I spend more time teaching and being an example of the word of God?
Can I be a better Christian today?
Did I kiss my husband goodnight?
Did I tell him I loved him?
Did I make sure he knew that through my actions as well as my words?
Did I tell my family that I loved them?  Do they know?
Have I mended relationships and offered forgiveness?
Can I be more kind and accepting and gentle?
You bet I can.  And today, I'm going to try a little bit harder.
I think it's still best summed up in the song written by Alan Jackson.
It's still relevant today.
Have a listen.
And I mean really listen.
And make a change.

Letters to Grandma

Dear Grandma, 

Today, I miss you.  I have so many things I want to tell you and show you.  Like how I've stopped biting my fingernails and my primary program and my cats and how big they are.  I want to tell you that I'm keeping my promises that I made.  I want you to know that I'm going to teach again.  I want to show you my Batman mask and buy you fudge and candied popcorn.  I want to show you my file folder games.  I want to give you a hug and paint your fingernails pink and fluff your hair and ... all the other things I can't do anymore.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm glad you're with Gramps and Aunt Susie and your brothers and your mom and your daddy, but I kinda miss you.  I wish you could just come back for one day.  Just one.  Is that so bad?  Probably.  

Anyways...I miss you.

Love, Angelface