Dear Blank Please Blank...Part 3.

Dear Cat,
Seriously.  Stop peeing on things when you're mad at me.  I don't go to the bathroom on your stuff when I'm mad at you.

Dear Husband,
Please stop being so adorable.  I already love you more than anything.

Dear Cupcakes, 
Stop. Existing. Right now.

Dear Dr. Pepper,
I miss you.

Dear Primary Kids,
Stop being so cute.  I'm trying not to get attached to you .

Dear Orange Cat, 
Please go away.  I'm finding it quite hard not to adopt you, too.

Dear Survivor,
Is it too much to ask that my favorite survivor win? Ever?

Dear Luke Bryan,
Hey.

Dear Deer, 
(just wanted to say that...)

Dear Fat Cells, 
Please shrink and disappear.  I hate you.

Dear Chocolate,
Please stop being so many calories.

Dear Yankees, (the baseball kind)
Please stop getting hurt.

Dear Football Season,
Hurry the heck up.  No please about it.  Just get here already!

Dear People Having Yard Sales,
Please stop selling cool junk.  I already have enough...

The Ugly Duckling

Take a minute..give it a watch.  Trust me on this one.

Don't Stop...Believing...

(you're singing that song in your head right now, aren't you?)

However, this post is not about the fabulousness and classicness of the band Journey.

Sometimes, life is hard.

Sometimes we all have trials that we don't understand.

Trust.  Believe.

Enough said.

(have i told you all how much I LOVE General Conference?)

Late Night Musings of a Slightly Tortured Soul

My heart hurts today.  For so many reasons.
It's been a hard week.
I find myself really looking forward to General Conference tomorrow...
(for those of you that don't know what that is...go to www.lds.org)
I feel ashamed to tell you that I always listen to conference, but I don't always internalize it like I suppose I should.  I suppose I've never much applied it to my life all that much.  I listen, I learn, but I don't always DO.
And now, I find myself craving some comfort and guidance from God's prophets on the earth today.
I need to be uplifted, to be reminded of the things in this universe that are good and right, to know that I am a daughter of God, to remember that He loves me.
I'm going to be upfront with you and say that I've been experiencing one of those stormy seasons lately.  Much of it is self inflicted-meaning that I've made a bad choices in who I've trusted, in who I've befriended, in who I thought I was.
In day to day life, each of us is seeking acceptance and happiness and worldly wealth. And by doing this, we are pulled down from what we actually believe to gain that acceptance.  We start making exceptions and start rationalizing things that are wrong.
We forget that there is something and someone much more important.
We often need reminded that the opinions of the world are not what we should be seeking.  We don't need acceptance or "friendship" (and I use that term incredibly loosely...) from people who don't value us or the things that we hold sacred like kindness and honesty.
And still, not going to lie, I'm torn.
I don't throw things like what I thought was friendship away easily, but when you've been bitten numerous times and you've watched this person tear apart things that you believe in and people that you love, it's hard to hold onto.  I've often heard that some people come into your life as blessings and some come into your life as lessons....which leads me to think that I am a slow learner.  I hate to hurt others.  I hate to be mean.  I hate confrontation.  I hate tension. And yet, I hate feeling worthless.
So, what's more important? My self worth? Or someone else's? We are always taught to love thy neighbor. But...can we love them from afar?  What if the continual effort that you put forth is unhealthy?  What if it does nothing but bring you down?  Then is it okay not to love your neighbor, throw your hands up in the air and say Well! I tried... ?  I highly doubt it.  Maybe the answer is to be the best me that I can be and do my best to live a good, righteous life.
I suppose what I'd better do instead of blogging and listening forlornly to Ed Sheeran, is go hit my knees and figure this out.  Or better yet, pray for guidance and inspiration and comfort and let Him figure it out.
I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and for His divine plan for each of us.  I am grateful for my blessings and my lessons.
And last, but not least, I'm glad that I'm His child and that He loves me...no matter what.

What If?

I'm a hypothetical kind of gal.
I like to wonder.
I like to imagine.
Which leads to this.
Yesterday, I was feeling sort of bad for myself.  Pity party for one, you might say.
I was looking at myself and wondering "What have I done with my life?  Who will remember me when I'm gone?  Who will care?  Who will want to know about me? Oh, that's right...I have no kids.  No lineage.  The buck stops here."
So, I took my sad, sorry, pathetic self home and tried to decide what to do about dinner.
As I was getting it ready, my doorbell rang.
Lo and behold, there stood my neighbor kids from across the street.
They came to bring "Brother Jennings" and I cupcakes that they made.
(a little background...these kids go to primary.  we have taught them with the missionaries in our home.  they ride to church with me on occasion and almost always sit with us.)
As I hugged them goodbye, the littlest one said "I wuv you, Sither Jennings!"
And I began to play the "What If?" game...
What if.....
I don't have children for a reason?
What if...
I actually had my own children?
What if...
Heavenly Father actually knows what He's doing?

I think I know myself pretty well.  I'm pretty positive that my nieces and nephews are the cutest children to EVER walk the face of the earth.  I know that my cats are smarter and prettier and funnier than anyone else's...and my husband, well, he hung the moon.

It makes me wonder if I don't have children because I'm needed elsewhere.  If I had my own children, I wouldn't like anyone else's child.  At all. Because, let's be honest.  We all know my kids would be AMAZING.
How  would it be possible for me to love my primary kids like my own?  To stand up for them?  To worry about them? To be concerned about their future, about their worthiness, about their identity, about their feelings?
It wouldn't.
For some reason, they need ME.  They need all of me.  They need me to be a primary mom.  To bust their chops when they screw up.  To love them.  To teach them.  To make them my first priority.
Isn't it wonderful that Heavenly Father has this huge master plan that we can't understand all at once?  Isn't it wonderful that He knows each of us?  He knows who I am.  He knows my strengths, my weaknesses, my struggles and my triumphs.  I am grateful that He knows me. I am grateful that He gave me 60 kids instead of 5.  I am grateful that He loves me and can give me what I need everyday.  I am grateful for my calling.  I am grateful for my testimony.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who keeps His eye on little, old me.

The Beauty of Being a Woman

 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." - Proverbs 31:10

I've been thinking for a few days now how messed up this world is.  Seriously.

I saw a commercial for Women's MMA (mixed martial arts for you non-espn-ers) followed by a segment on Danica Patrick and the Daytona 500 followed by another segment about women in sports.

Now, I'm not trying to judge them, but not one of these women looked like my mother- who I consider the ultimate woman.

Then, later on that day, I was told that women like me set the women's liberation movement back 20 years.

Then, today, I taught a primary class purely on inspiration because I didn't have a manual and it wasn't planned...and the discussion somehow led to why women don't have the priesthood.

Now, first of all, I realize that my views are archaic and old fashioned and not at all trendy.

I believe that women do have rights.

I also believe that women have divine qualities and a divine purpose in this world.

I personally may not be able to fulfill some of these qualities and purposes and I'm quite alright with that.

So, this leads me to ask...

What exactly is wrong with just being a good, virtuous woman?

What is so "uncool" about cooking and cleaning and caring for those you love?

Why is it not okay to wear a dress to church?

What is wrong about wanting to make the world and your home a better, more beautiful place?

NOTHING AT ALL.

Seriously.

We, as women, have a privilege.

We get to affect the world for the better, and we don't even have to try.

It just comes naturally.

I want to be pretty and delicate and sweet and kind and honest and trustworthy and virtuous and lovely.

We get to raise children. (whether they belong to us or not.)

We are automatically equipped with the ability to love and to nurture.

We serve freely.

We are kind.

We are good.

We change the world every day.

I'm not saying we all have to be barefoot, pregnant and locked in the kitchen.

I'm saying be a woman and be proud of what and who you are.

Don't think that you have to be masculine to fit in a man's world.

Be gentle.

Be good.

Be kind.

Be beautiful.

THAT

is how a woman can change the world.

I urge you to celebrate womanhood.

I personally am going to try very hard to be more kind, gentle and lovely this week.

I am going to respect myself and treat myself as such.

I am going to build my family, small as it may be.

Go, be a woman. 

I am woman, hear me speak kindly and softly and gently.

Not roar.

It's not ladylike.

I'm the Chubby Friend.

Chubby girls have feelings too.  They might be a touch harder to find under all this fluff, but they're real...so, please don't assume that just because I'm built like a Mac truck and act tough that my feelings won't get hurt if you stomp all over them.
Also, we don't like being the big butt of all of your jokes. ( I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.)

So, first, I felt bad.

Then, I read THIS FABULOUS BLOG... again.

Then, because I like to laugh,  I found these.

This is true.  I mean really?  Have you met me?

We do.  It's true.

Now, don't go feeling bad for me.  Because I don't.  I love me.  I'm awesome.
I just need other people to realize that I'm a whole lot of awesome.

And finally, this.  Because it's true.  And even though I'm chubby and out of shape and not what you think is great and not even what I think is beautiful...Heavenly Father still loves me.

So there.