At the risk of sounding like a cranky, old lady, (which I am) I have something to say.
Recently, it seems as if there have been an increased number of tragedies, unjustices, etc.
I am sick and tired of everyone trying to pin the blame for whatever incident on someone or something other than the criminal.
It is not the fault of anyone but the shooter that 27 people are dead in Connecticut. It is not the fault of the gun, of the school, of the government, etc. HE made the choice to open fire in a school. No one else made that choice for him.
It is not the fault of any company, big or small, that they were broken into, even if they do lack a high tech alarm system.
And so on, and so forth.
Yes, these things do help. Alarm systems, higher security measures, etc. do make a difference.
They are not to blame for the decaying moral compass of our nation.
We can't pray in schools.
We can't talk about God or religion in the workplace.
We're so darn worried about offending someone that we all just keep our mouths shut and refuse to change this world for the better.
And then we wonder....why are these things happening?
Why are people shooting each other?
Why are people stealing and lying and cheating?
Why are kids silent, spiteful and hateful?
Well, shucks, America.
It's because you're getting exactly what you asked for.
We have become a nation of instant gratification and laziness. You want something? Buy it now, pay later. You think this baby will inconvenience you and your lifestyle? Get an abortion. You're mad at someone? Shoot them, blast them on the internet or destroy their reputation.
We have become afraid to work, pray, and change.
God hasn't changed. He's still there. He's trying to get us back to where we need to be as a people. Do we really need something more drastic to happen to get us to wake up and return to Him?
I've seen what happens when a person strays from religion. I'm not saying that you have to be a Mormon. I'm saying commit yourself to God in one way or another. Make your world better by being more gentle, more kind, more Christlike. Speak kind words, exercise empathy, offer Christlike love instead of hatred, violence and gossip. And remember. We're all children of God. He loves us and we, in return, as brothers and sisters, should love one another. 2013 could be an amazing year if we can just try to make it that way.
I awoke this morning feeling utter despair for our nation. The events in Connecticut yesterday are horrific. It calls to memory all the awful events that people my age have witnessed. I have to say that when I was a child, Columbine scared me. 9/11 scared me. This just saddens me. I don't even know where to begin on how sad I am today.
So, because I need to express them, here are my thoughts.
First, I thank God that I live in Idaho. Everyday.
Second, gun control is NOT the answer. We need less gun control and more PEOPLE control. I can't even imagine what was running through this individual's mind as he drove to that school. There must have been so much anger, so much hate, so much frustration and confusion. We can never know why he did it. All we know is that he did.
In conjunction with that, sometimes, people make bad choices for bad reasons. The consequences of these choices affect other people, whether that was the intention or not. All that we can do to solve this is be more compassionate, more understanding, more patient and more prepared.
Third, I personally feel that God is trying to send us as a nation a message. Stop hurting each other, stop finding fault with one another, stop trying to destroy one another. Stop. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't believe that God chose this for us. He did, however, give each of us agency to make our own choices. Once a choice is made, He cannot stop the consequences. As His children, we need to not take away from this that we need more gun control, more regulations, more laws. What we should be learning right now is how to offer love to those in need. To mourn with those that mourn, to comfort those that stand in need of comfort. There are so many things that we get busy with that we forget these things. We forget that the person that just cut us off on the highway, that just bumped into us with their cart, who has a screaming child in WalMart, who is being painfully slow in the checkout line or the stoplight or whatever, is a Child of God. A precious son or daughter of our Heavenly Father.
We simply need to stop destroying and start building.
For example, after the shooting in Oregon this week, I can't help but wonder if that young man had a mother or a father or a mentor that loved him and was there for him in his time of confusion if he would have found a different solution than murder and suicide.
I, for one, am not putting my efforts into gun laws and the like. I am ignoring the media attention that these poor, wounded souls are getting and putting my time and effort into loving, accepting and building souls. I truly believe that the more we love and support people, the more people will want to be loving and accepting and supportive to others. I am going to pray more. I am going to draw nearer to my Heavenly Father. I will teach my primary kids to be kind and loving and accepting.
Can you imagine what our nation would be like if we were all out doing good instead of being selfish?
I am going to change my world.
What are you going to do with yours?
Usually, anniversaries are good things, right?
I think this one is, in a way.
Almost exactly one year ago, my life changed.
Now, I'm not being selfish, because really, everyone in my world's life changed.
My grandma got to see my grandpa and her daughter and her mother and father and brothers again.
My mom lost her best friend and confidant.
My brothers lost their grandma.
I lost my best friend.
Everyone says things like "you'll be okay" and "things will be fine" and "you'll get back to normal in no time".
It is never the same. Ever.
I still miss her everyday. Most days, I don't mope around and cry, because that would make her sad.
And when I do cry, it's for purely selfish reasons- because I miss her, because MY world is a little less bright, because I want her back.
And it's sad, in a way.
Many people don't understand the relationship that we had. I was her remote-fixer, her fudge finder, her seasonal decorator, her hair comber, her nail painter, her personal court jester, her phone programmer and her Angelface.
To most people a grandma is just a grandma.
To me, she is so much more.
I say IS because I know I'll see her again, and as I type this, I realize that she's waggling her finger at me saying "Dolly, be patient."
I know this.
I know that in her world, it's a blink of an eye and she's loving every minute of her hereafter. I know she loves being able to walk and see and hear and use ALL of her fingers. I know how happy she is to see my Gramps again and to hold his hand.
But, still, I can't help but wonder if she misses me too? If she is repaying all those years that I spent as her guardian angel by being mine? If she's the one that sends primary kids my way when I need a little spark of sunshine?
Maybe this is why I am so grateful for eternal families. I am grateful for temple work. I am grateful that my family is sealed together forever. For those of you who don't know what these things mean and you want to have an eternal family too, please go to www.mormon.org or www.lds.org or just ask.
So, because this song means so much to me personally, as well as to the artist that wrote it, I think it bears repeating and replaying.
Grammy-I love you and I look forward to the day that I can see you again.
In case any of you are wondering, I'm trying very hard not to protest Christmas this year. According to the Mayans, we're not going to make it that far anyways, right? Anyhow, I'm feeling especially grinchy this year, much to the chagrin of my mother. There are a few reasons. One is painfully obvious. I only have one house to decorate this year. For the last 7 ish years, I've decorated two of them. Naturally, you'd think that I would be excited to have some free time. But no. I'm not. It's bittersweet. Christmas has always been about the birth of our Savior and about my family. A big part of that for me is gone.
Another reason, is that the only person I would really be decorating for now is my husband. I'm not sure he cares, but we have no kids, no Santa at our house, no need to put out cookies and milk and honestly? I've tried to still do those things for the past decade and all it does is make me look a little bit eccentric and sad and old. All the cats do is eat my ornaments and pull my tree down and sleep on top of my ceramic Christmas town.
Third, I have a "Can't say no" problem. I've volunteered to do a lot of things this season to keep myself busy. I feel completely overbooked. I suppose that I'll have to give up a few of these things in order to keep my sanity...but I think instead of decorating and celebrating Christmas, I would like to get on a cruise ship and not come back until January.
However, because I'm not independently wealthy, I need to buck up.
I need to watch White Christmas and Smoky Mountain Christmas and listen to Bing Crosby and drink some hot chocolate and put Santa hats on my cats.
So, please, be patient with me, world. I'm doing the best I can.
Sometimes we all need this.
We are children of God.
He loves us.
He wants us to come back to Him.
And because we are His children..we should always know that even though we are all different, that we are loved and wanted and important.
And most importantly, we are never alone.
Take 5 minutes and watch this.
In sports, things are not black and white.
They are sports.
They are not about religion.
They are about sports.
They are not about race, class, education, status, gender, etc.
They are about Sports.
So, thank you, people of Minnesota. Thank you for ruining sports for us.
Just think about it...
For two to three glorious hours, you are not a Christian woman with a full time job and no kids and two cats and no Mercedes Benz.
For those few hours a week, you are nothing more than a (personal example...) Denver Bronco or Oregon Duck.
You are just the same as the guy sitting at the table next to you in the sports bar. You are a fan. Nothing more, nothing less.
You are important. You know everything about your team. You eat, breathe and sleep for the blue and the orange. (or whatever team colors you rep)
Football, for instance, is my sport of choice. I don't care what color my quarterback is. I don't care that he makes more money in one game than I will make in a lifetime. I don't give a crap what kind of car the receivers drive or where they grew up or who their girlfriend is. I care about touchdowns. I care about beating the socks of off the Raiders, Patriots, Steelers and the Chargers. I care about the end result. I care about the win. Period.
And now, a shameless Denver Broncos/Peyton Manning plug...
I suppose I just don't understand why everything in life has to be about race, religion, etc.
We're all human beings and children of God. We're people. All of us.
Why the crap does it matter what color a basketball player's skin is?
And for the record, my favorite basket ball player is white. But, it's not because I'm white.
Nope, it's because no one plays ball like John Stockton.
My favorite QB is white...because I'm white? No. It is because Peyton is a hall of fame QB who is going to bring Denver back to being an elite, Superbowl winning team and runs a slick, effective no huddle offense. That's why. If Michael Vick played for Denver and could do that? I'd be a fan. Unless, of course, the QB was Cam Newton...merely because I hold grudges...
I want my three hours back.
If you have a problem with Minnesota's bball team being too white...let me let you in on a secret...it's not the owners that are racist. It's you. Grow up.
Now I can go to bed and not be quite as mad.
I just got back from a Cub Scout Pack Meeting....always an interesting experience.
First and foremost...loud. (love that)
Second and most important...the theme tonight was Citizenship. We watched a movie about the Star Spangled Banner and what it meant. We talked about how America is like a brass band, with all different instruments that have to work together to make a beautiful sound. We talked about respect for the flag and for our country and for the people of our country.
And suddenly...(insert bolt of lightning here...)
As I was watching these little boys learn about what it means to be an American, I felt my heart swell with pride. I am so thankful for the Scouting program.
I have been discouraged due to the results of the last national, local and state elections. I put my heart and soul into some of ideas and people. I am a Republican. I am a hardcore conservative. That is just who I am. It may not be a popular stance among my peers, but it's just who I am. But, I am, first and foremost, an American.
This means so much more than just believing in Republican things or Democrat things or Conservative things or Liberal things. We are not black, white, purple, British, African, Chinese, Hispanic, rich, poor, Christian, Jewish, etc., etc. We are AMERICANS.
While I am saddened by many of the left sides concepts and principles and beliefs, I have realized that I don't have to agree with them.
I do not need to put my energy into being angry, disappointed or trying to destroy the other parties and governing leaders.
There is no room for hate in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
My efforts are best spent praying to my Heavenly Father that the leaders of this country will be guided and directed to keep us free. They are best used trying to make America a more beautiful place. They are best used helping and teaching children to be good Americans, to be respectful and to take pride in their country. I will commit now to spend less time grumbling and complaining about the government and giving them the respect that they rightfully deserve. I will respect the choices and the rights of people who don't believe the same way that I do, because that is what America is. It is a place of freedom, of respect, of hopes and dreams and opportunities. And if those little Cub Scouts can take that much pride in their flag and their country....I can and will do the same. (and the students become the teachers...again.)
So, all I feel right now is that we could all do a little more praying,be a little more respecting and be a little more understanding.
Go. Save America. Make a difference.
I really mean that.
Not in the sense that I don't see colors...but more in this sense.
I have been struggling with my sense of black and white, right and wrong, good and bad.
I wish I could be empathetic and see the gray area that everyone always talks about, but to me, there is no gray.
Yup, no gray at all.
You're either right or you're wrong.
That's all there is to it.
Also, as much as I keep trying, I can't find it in myself to accept wrong behavior.
I don't always necessarily take steps to improve it or stop it, but I certainly don't accept it.
Does that make me an awful person?
I think it does.
I am forgiving.
I am understanding.
I accept that you are a child of God, just like me.
I accept that things maybe haven't been easy for you.
I accept that maybe, just maybe, your actions, mannerisms and choices are because you were shown a bad example.
But, I do NOT accept your poor manners, bad choices, and your disrespectful and wrong actions and/or words.
I happen to have a nasty temper and a very short fuse.
I have tried to take steps to calm that temper and be more patient.
If I can work on my nasty habits, maybe you can too?
The problem here is most certainly me and I am more than willing to take action when my flaws are pointed out to correct them.
I just can't find it in me to help others see that they're being jacka$$es. (pardon the language-yet another flaw!)
I am trying quite hard to not judge and not be unkind, but darn it! Why can't people just be nice? And moral? And good? It's not so hard!
As my mother has so kindly taught me, it really is okay to just be good.
It's not always the popular choice. You don't always get recognition. You are often overlooked and ignored and feel that you're unimportant. But you're not.
You're just good.
And that's okay.
Phew. I feel better now.
Thanks for listening.
Now, go and be good.
Because I am trying to be a more informed voter and American citizen, I watched the VP debate tonight.
First and foremost, I am disappointed in the mannerisms of our current VP.
Second, I am incredibly tired of the media biases-on either side.
Third, I am now finding myself in my own personal battle of good and evil.
Much to my dismay, I am finding myself incredibly conflicted.
Let me begin by saying that I firmly believe that abortion is murder. Plain and simple. No one has the right to take a life. Ever. I even struggle with the circumstantial abortion.
However, I don't feel that it is the government's place to tell me what I can or cannot do with my body. It's mine and I will do as I feel is best for me and for my life and for my family. Plain and simple - that's none of your dadgum business.
As a woman with my particular trial in life, I get angry when people kill babies for no good reason. Adoption is expensive. If you don't want your baby, please....I will gladly take him/her and love them with every fiber of my being.
Also,what if your mother had aborted you? Every soul has a divine purpose in life that no one else can fulfill. How are we damaging the world, the future generations? What are we missing out on because you don't want your baby?
But again, I don't want to be told that I have to take birth control, that I have to only have one child, that I have to etc, etc, etc by a government that doesn't know me and my life. I believe that the concept of a government controlling my choices about my body is wrong. How would you feel if the government required every woman to have her significant other's name tattooed on her arm or that required every person to wear a hat on Thursdays? It may sound ridiculous, but I feel that if we give the government an inch, they'll take a mile and regulate not only women's health, but also her weight, her makeup, her cold medicine, etc. And that too, is wrong.
I guess it's just going to wind up being a matter of personal choice.
But, I do have to say that I am grateful for all the mothers that I know that didn't abort their child. Each of your children have a special place in my heart. Even the mischievous ones. I thank God everyday for the children that I work with and can't imagine my life without even one of them.
I've always wanted to make this list...I'm not saying you have to take my advice, but this is my list of classic movies that everyone must watch.
1. An Affair to Remember- Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr
2. Breakfast at Tiffany's- Audrey Hepburn
3. Penny Serenade- Cary Grant (have a huge box of tissues...)
4. Kings Go Forth- Frank Sinatra
5. An American in Paris - Gene Kelly
6. Singin in the Rain- Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds
7. Charade- Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant and Walter Matthau
8. The Bells of St. Mary's - Bing Crosby
9. Here Comes the Groom - Bing Crosby
10. Going My Way- Bing Crosby
11. Casablanca- Humphrey Bogart
12. Sabrina- Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart
13. The Proud and the Profane- Deborah Kerr and William Holden
14. Arsenic and Old Lace- Cary Grant (be warned..this one is a touch strange...)
15. Operation Petticoat- Cary Grant, Tony Stewart
16. How to Steal a Million- Audrey Hepburn
17. True Grit- John Wayne
18. Two Mules for Sister Sarah- Clint Eastwood
19. Anchors Aweigh- Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Katherine Grayson
20. Gone with the Wind- Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh
Now that I'm looking, maybe I should have just made an Audrey Hepburn list...
Maybe next time.
Next time-it's Must Watch Musicals!
But really, think about it...
What does your sign say?
This got me thinking about my sign... Please don't give up on me. I'm going to make it.
Or perhaps... This isn't what I had planned for my life. Don't judge me.
Or... I'm trying.
Or... I used to be a caregiver, now I'm not sure what I am.
Thinking about this helped me to actually identify my struggles and now, I can work on them.
Also, now I'm thinking about other's signs.
This week my goal is to read their signs and act accordingly. But really, just read the post.
At the risk of sounding like a pot smoking hippie...
Love. At the end of the day, it's all that matters.
Love = Understanding
Changing the world doesn't have to be a grand gesture.
If we all could exercise a little more love and a lot more understanding and empathy, that would actually change the world for the better.
Something happened today that made me mad. I have to let it out or I may explode. So, welcome to my rant of the week. Apparently, if you don't have children and you work, you're just a warm body. You're not a person. If you're a woman who doesn't have children and you have a job, people don't think that you should be able to come in late, leave early, take sick leave, use vacation days, go on trips, have a decent schedule or have a life outside of work. And when you try to stand up for yourself, you're told that "you don't have a family to feed, you wouldn't understand." Actually, I do. My family may be less than traditional, but nevertheless, there are bills to be paid, mouths to feed, things that happen, days off that are needed, etc. Also, mind you, this wasn't exactly my choice. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I'm not, so don't punish me for that. Seriously. Just because my life is different doesn't mean that it's wrong or bad. So there.
Many times, the best way to explain the way I feel is through music.
So, here's the video that I'm feeling lately.
No, I don't drink or do drugs.
I deal with my own demons as we all do.
This song means so much more to me than just the lyrics.
It's about an incredible journey, both of finding myself and of accepting my life the way that it is.
So, of course, I wanted to share.
Internalize, love, live and enjoy.
Right now, I am feeling so very grateful that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and knows me. I don't know why, but I feel impressed to share with you that I know He lives. I know He loves me. I know that He has given me certain tests and trials for my growth and to help me become perfected. I often find myself grumbling about my trials and my situation in life. Perhaps, I need to stop grumbling and find a better use of my time. Maybe I need to try harder to be an answer to someone's prayer or to let them be an answer to mine.
I'll admit. I've spent most of my life as a sheep. Never questioning, never doubting, always following. I've never been the lost sheep. Never. My Shepherd has no reason to come looking for me. I'm following and doing what I'm supposed to do for the most part. Sure, I stray now and then, but not for long and not far. Then, I hop right back in line and follow along. It seems that the harder I try...the harder it is to be faithful. Or at least that used to be the case.
Lately, I am finding that it's becoming easier. No, my life is not always exciting. No, I don't travel much, because I have a job to do every Sunday. Yes, I do have to always watch myself and my behavior because I would never want my Primary kids to see me misrepresent my Savior. Yes. I do want to experience life. Yes, sometimes I want to punch people in the mouth. Yes, I do want to get a tattoo. But I'm not going to. Do you know why? Because, sometimes...it's okay just to be good.
I like my simple rut. It's safe in the fold. It's safe to look to my Savior and my Heavenly Father for guidance. It's not always a lightning bolt, but more like a warm blanket. They look out for me. They put me in the right places at the right times. I just have to figure out where I will be of the most use in those places and times.
I have recently discovered the way to love as the Savior would love - without bias. I can see my Primary kids as He would. I'm not a mother. I probably never will be. But because my Savior and my Heavenly Father love me, they've allowed me to have children that I can love and teach and learn from and care for and for that, I am eternally grateful. I often tell them that I love them more than cupcakes and if I can love them that much, just imagine how much their Savior loves them.
I am grateful for the love that I feel today and that I can be of use to them in some capacity.
The best I can do right now is leave you with this video. I have always loved this song.
I am overwhelmed by how incredibly grateful I feel right now for a Heavenly Father who knows what I need to hear. I'm a grudge holder. I'm not gonna lie. I need to not be. This man's story inspired me to be better. It's worth the watch.
I think this will be a two part series...Yes. Let's do that.
Let's get started...
Things I am Not...
(sometimes, I do bad things. don't judge me, you do them, too.)
(to real children. of my own. and I don't care anymore.)
(I hate everyone equally most of the time.)
(your point is?)
(again, another one of those "don't care" moments.)
A college graduate.
(okay, this I kinda regret...but just kinda.)
(I prefer pickup trucks and dirt to dinner parties and upheld pinky fingers)
(nope. not one of those.)
A movie star.
(not yet, at least)
(I like to think I am...but I'm not. Or am I?)
(not right now, at least)
Addicted to caffeine.
(maybe I should take this one off....hmmmm.)
Also,guess what? I don't care. I'm great with who and what I am...which we will discuss later this week. But not tomorrow, I'm busy being imperfect tomorrow. And it's gonna be fun. So there.
BEWARE! Political Post ahead... Just want to share this with you... I don't get involved in politics normally, but I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of working so hard for nothing. I'm tired of trying to move ahead and feeling stuck. I'm tired of paying other people's bills with my hard earned money. I'm tired of seeing my customers close up shop because they can't make ends meet. I'm tired of having to tell them that it will get better soon, while not really believing it. I don't know about you, but I love my customers like they are family. All of them. My job is to help them be successful. It breaks my heart and I feel like I've failed them when they are forced to close their doors. I'm sick of it! I'm sick of watching their hard earned money disappear. I feel like I've been telling them that things are going to look up for years now...3 and a half years to be exact. I'm tired of explaining that shipping costs have increased because fuel cost has increased and that causes product pricing to increase. That doesn't help anyone. It's a vicious and nasty cycle. And I'm tired of it. I would hope that you are tired of it too. I'm not saying that we have to elect Mitt Romney. I'm saying that America needs a change. I believe that he is the man that can do it. Again, I saw what he did for the SLC Winter Olympics. I believe he can do that for America. I believe that he can make us proud to be Americans again. I believe that he can help me help my customers so that they can help their customers. I want my customers back. I want my America back. Do you?
Dear normal followers, I apologize for this not light hearted fun post. I have to get this off of my chest because it's bugging the crud out of me. So, forgive me for this one little political moment.
In America, we pride ourselves on being "the land of the free". We pride ourselves on not discriminating against anyone. When I say anyone, I mean anyone. We don't care if you're white, black, purple, red, pink, green, brown, yellow or a bright tattooed rainbow of colors. Good for you. Come on in. If you are Donald Trump rich, or homeless kid poor, come on over. We accept you if you are from any country in the world. We accept you so much that we don't even make you have a green card to come in, unless you live in Arizona. In fact, we'll pay your bills!
Americans don't discriminate because it's not fair. We even have it in our country's constitution. We believe that "All men are created equal". All men. And even women.
Unless, of course, you're a Mormon. Or a Mormon woman.
Why do we claim that bigotry is a thing of the past? It's not. This whole presidential race has brought to light what bigots we actually are.
We can't possibly elect a Mormon to be the President of the good ole' US of A. That would be a tragedy! And...how dare his wife say that she understands the economy? She's a stay at home mom for pete's sake! She has no clue.
I take pride in being a Mormon woman. I wish I was a stay at home mom. I take pride in being gentle, good and kind. I take pride in being a good, God Fearing, Christian woman.
Also, who will you vote for this November?
This man who believes in families, military and being a good person?
Or, this man who has seemed to destroy this country in one brush of his "yes, we can" hand?
I'll tell you right now. I'm not voting for Mitt because he's a Mormon. I'm voting for Mitt because he's a good man. I'm voting for Mitt because I lived in Utah during the Olympics and I've seen what he can do. I'm voting for Mitt because this country needs a champion, not some man who goes to Disneyworld for press conferences. I'm voting for Mitt because his beliefs are the closest to my own. I'm voting for Mitt because I'm an American and I have that privelege.
Make your own choice, but don't do it based on religion. That doesn't make you informed, it makes you a bigot.
Tomorrow. Easter Sunday. For most of the world, chocolate bunnies, jellybeans. For me, this. Please. Take a few moments and listen to this wonderful song. Please. Take five minutes to know how much our Savior loves you. Then, go find out more at www.lds.org. Please. I believe this with my whole heart. For those who think I am not a Christian, please know that our religion focuses on the Savior and His love and His work. He loves you. He wants you to come live with Him again. He wanted this so much that He died for us. Please, open your heart and your mind and really listen to the words and know, like I do that He loves you. Happy Easter.
Tomorrow I'm going to Montana. Helena. East Helena to be exact. I grew up there. I met my very first bosom friend there. I got my first cat there. I turned 16 there. I got my driver's liscense there. And now, after 15 years, I'm going back. Back to the mountains, to the skies, to the cows, to people that I love. However, I'm slightly apprehensive. Let me tell you why. (because I know you realllllly care...) I am no different than I was when I left. Yes, I'm taller, my hair is shorter, my backside is bigger and I have a husband. Other than that, I have nothing to tell these people that I've left behind. Yeah, I got married ten years ago and I have two cats and a job. Woot. Big freaking deal. I was supposed to do amazing things. I was suppose to save the world. And I didn't. So what am I supposed to tell them? I don't know. I probably never will. So, I'll shift the focus to my darling brother and his darling wife and their awesome baby. And then to my mother. And then I'll go make myself invisible. So, dear Montana, I'm sorry for letting you down. I'll do better so that I have something wonderful to tell you when I come back.
Let me start with this. I am not like everyone else. I know this. I don't have fancy cars, or a fancy home. I don't have a unique and quirky sense of style. I'm not incredible beautiful or smart. I don't have kids or a college degree. I don't have one thing that I am super duper good at doing. I think I am one person that is completely and hopelessly BORING.
I came home for lunch today, feeling hopelessly BORING. Boring hair, boring clothes, boring life.
While attempting to smooth my flyaways on my hair, I looked in the mirror and thought "Girl, you need to step it up and stop being so pathetic." Then, like a hand to the forehead, I was struck by a scripture. (Let's be honest, this doesn't normally happen...)
Doctrine and Covenants Section 18 verse 10:
"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."
My Heavenly Father doesn't care how pretty I am on the outside.
He doesn't care what I drive or where I live.
He doesn't care if I'm talented or smart or rich or skinny or dazzlingly beautiful.
He loves me.
He loves me for me.
He loves the me that I am and the me that I will be someday.
He knows every one of my flaws...and He loves me anyway.
I agree with this face. My little brother is someone's father. As I watched him today with his son, I was astounded to find that the boy that I have always known as my big little brother is no longer a little brother, but a man who has a child. WHAT!?!?!?!?! It's heart warming to watch. Really. This man adores his son and the adoration is returned by this little boy. He watches his dad's every move and vice versa. I am so excited to watch the transformation that Dustin will make from brother, son, friend, accomplice and boy to father. And...for the record, I love that baby.
We all need a refresher course now and then...yes? So, after 10 years, Tim and I are an old, married, (yet, very awesome) couple. I was reminiscing about the first year or so that we were married and I tried so dang hard to be the perfect Mormon wife. Then, sadly realizing that I would never be perfect, I gave up and just tried to be a good wife. Then, I spent 6 ish years trying to be the best granddaughter/daughter that anyone could ever ask for, because that's what was needed at the time. Well, now it's just the two of us again. Life is busy. Sometimes, crazy. Sometimes, I'm just busy. And crazy. And I need to refocus on being the best wife that I can be. He's my eternal companion and I adore him. I loved him then, I love him still, I always have and always will. So, I found this on (where else?) Pinterest! http://imom.com/tools/build-relationships/30-day-marriage-challenge/ I'm doing it. Starting now.
"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of ones companion."
This video may sound like it's about lost love...I suppose it could be, but that's not why it was written. According to the website www.tasteofcountry.com, "The song was inspired by the death of Blake Shelton‘s brother Richie, but that story is only overtly told near the end." I echo the sentiment. "You went away, how dare you, I miss you. They say I'll be okay, but I'm not going to Ever get over you." It's been almost four months. I'm still sobbing. Almost every day. She was such an integral part of my life. My best friend. One of the few people who never doubted me, always thought I could be someone, something. Someone I could always run to. Someone who, no matter how hard her own trials were, had enough love and time to comfort me. It's hard to just try and move on after 30 years of that.