Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I wish I was color blind....

I really mean that.
Not in the sense that I don't see colors...but more in this sense.
I have been struggling with my sense of black and white, right and wrong, good and bad.
I wish I could be empathetic and see the gray area that everyone always talks about, but to me, there is no gray.
Yup, no gray at all.
You're either right or you're wrong.
That's all there is to it.
Also, as much as I keep trying, I can't find it in myself to accept wrong behavior.
I don't always necessarily take steps to improve it or stop it, but I certainly don't accept it.
Does that make me an awful person?
I think it does.
I am forgiving.
I am understanding.
I accept that you are a child of God, just like me.
I accept that things maybe haven't been easy for you.
I accept that maybe, just maybe, your actions, mannerisms and choices are because you were shown a bad example.
But, I do NOT accept your poor manners, bad choices, and your disrespectful and wrong actions and/or words.
I happen to have a nasty temper and a very short fuse.
That's wrong.
I have tried to take steps to calm that temper and be more patient.
If I can work on my nasty habits, maybe you can too?
The problem here is most certainly me and I am more than willing to take action when my flaws are pointed out to correct them.
I just can't find it in me to help others see that they're being jacka$$es.  (pardon the language-yet another flaw!)
I am trying quite hard to not judge and not be unkind, but darn it! Why can't people just be nice?  And moral? And good?  It's not so hard!
As my mother has so kindly taught me, it really is okay to just be good.
It's not always the popular choice.  You don't always get recognition.  You are often overlooked and ignored and feel that you're unimportant.  But you're not.
You're just good.
And that's okay.
Phew. I feel better now.
Thanks for listening.
Now, go and be good.

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