My Way

"My Way"

And now, the end is here

And so I face the final curtain

My friend, I'll say it clear

I'll state my case, of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full

I traveled each and ev'ry highway

And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all, when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill, my share of losing

And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say, not in a shy way,

"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught

To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!

Yes, it was my way

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 This seems so appropriate for the end of this year of self discovery.

This year, I didn't accomplish all of my goals.

And it's okay.

What I did do was learn to accept myself as I am.

I have learned to accept my life and my circumstances.

I decided to get off of the path that I was on (that now seems so destructive)

and forge a new trail.

I learned that I am okay.

I am crazy, eccentric, strange, brusque, and loving.

And that's okay.

And this year, I've tried to live my life in a way that I accept, that I feel good about.

So, if you don't like me or the things that I do, it's your loss.

I am married to an amazing man who loves me as much as I love him.

I have 60 kids who are sure that they can't live without me.

I have a family that loves and supports and accepts me.

And, most importantly, I am a child of God.

And He created me.

So....

In the words of the ever daring Coco Chanel-

"I don't care what you think about me.  I don't think about you at all."

(did you see what I did there?  I channeled a fashion icon and a music icon in one post!)

So, come on 2013.

Hit me with your best shot.

For real?

Dear World,
At the risk of sounding like a cranky, old lady, (which I am) I have something to say.
Recently, it seems as if there have been an increased number of tragedies, unjustices, etc.
I am sick and tired of everyone trying to pin the blame for whatever incident on someone or something other than the criminal.
It is not the fault of anyone but the shooter that 27 people are dead in Connecticut.  It is not the fault of the gun, of the school, of the government, etc.  HE made the choice to open fire in a school.  No one else made that choice for him.
It is not the fault of any company, big or small, that they were broken into, even if they do lack a high tech alarm system.
And so on, and so forth.
Yes, these things do help.  Alarm systems, higher security measures, etc. do make a difference.
HOWEVER.
They are not to blame for the decaying moral compass of our nation.
We can't pray in schools.
We can't talk about God or religion in the workplace.
We're so darn worried about offending someone that we all just keep our mouths shut and refuse to change this world for the better.
And then we wonder....why are these things happening?
Why are people shooting each other?
Why are people stealing and lying and cheating?
Why are kids silent, spiteful and hateful?
Well, shucks, America.
It's because you're getting exactly what you asked for.
We have become a nation of instant gratification and laziness.  You want something?  Buy it now, pay later.  You think this baby will inconvenience you and your lifestyle?  Get an abortion.  You're mad at someone?  Shoot them, blast them on the internet or destroy their reputation.
We have become afraid to work, pray, and change.
God hasn't changed.  He's still there.  He's trying to get us back to where we need to be as a people.  Do we really need something more drastic to happen to get us to wake up and return to Him?
I don't.
I've seen what happens when a person strays from religion.  I'm not saying that you have to be a Mormon.  I'm saying commit yourself to God in one way or another.  Make your world better by being more gentle, more kind, more Christlike.  Speak kind words, exercise empathy, offer Christlike love instead of hatred, violence and gossip. And remember.  We're all children of God.  He loves us and we, in return, as brothers and sisters, should love one another.  2013 could be an amazing year if we can just try to make it that way.

Despair and the Solution

I awoke this morning feeling utter despair for our nation. The events in Connecticut yesterday are horrific.  It calls to memory all the awful events that people my age have witnessed.  I have to say that when I was a child, Columbine scared me.  9/11 scared me.  This just saddens me.  I don't even know where to begin on how sad I am today.
So, because I need to express them, here are my thoughts.
First, I thank God that I live in Idaho.  Everyday.
Second, gun control is NOT the answer.  We need less gun control and more PEOPLE control.  I can't even imagine what was running through this individual's mind as he drove to that school.  There must have been so much anger, so much hate, so much frustration and confusion.  We can never know why he did it.  All we know is that he did.
In conjunction with that, sometimes, people make bad choices for bad reasons.  The consequences of these choices affect other people, whether that was the intention or not.  All that we can do to solve this is be more compassionate, more understanding, more patient and more prepared.
Third, I personally feel that God is trying to send us as a nation a message.  Stop hurting each other, stop finding fault with one another, stop trying to destroy one another.  Stop.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't believe that God chose this for us.  He did, however, give each of us agency to make our own choices.  Once a choice is made, He cannot stop the consequences.  As His children, we need to not take away from this that we need more gun control, more regulations, more laws.  What we should be learning right now is how to offer love to those in need.  To mourn with those that mourn, to comfort those that stand in need of comfort.  There are so many things that we get busy with that we forget these things.  We forget that the person that just cut us off on the highway, that just bumped into us with their cart, who has a screaming child in WalMart, who is being painfully slow in the checkout line or the stoplight or whatever, is a Child of God.  A precious son or daughter of our Heavenly Father.
We simply need to stop destroying and start building.
For example, after the shooting in Oregon this week, I can't help but wonder if that young man had a mother or a father or a mentor that loved him and was there for him in his time of confusion if he would have found a different solution than murder and suicide.
I, for one, am not putting my efforts into gun laws and the like. I am ignoring the media attention that these poor, wounded souls are getting and putting my time and effort into loving, accepting and building souls.  I truly believe that the more we love and support people, the more people will want to be loving and accepting and supportive to others. I am going to pray more.  I am going to draw nearer to my Heavenly Father.  I will teach my primary kids to be kind and loving and accepting.
Can you imagine what our nation would be like if we were all out doing good instead of being selfish?
I am going to change my world.
What are you going to do with yours?

An Anniversary of Sorts...

Usually, anniversaries are good things, right?
I think this one is, in a way.
Almost exactly one year ago, my life changed.
Now, I'm not being selfish, because really, everyone in my world's life changed.
My grandma got to see my grandpa and her daughter and her mother and father and brothers again.
My mom lost her best friend and confidant.
My brothers lost their grandma.
I lost my best friend.

Everyone says things like "you'll be okay" and "things will be fine" and "you'll get back to normal in no time".
LIES.
It is never the same.  Ever.
I still miss her everyday.  Most days, I don't mope around and cry, because that would make her sad.
And when I do cry, it's for purely selfish reasons- because I miss her, because MY world is a little less bright, because I want her back.
And it's sad, in a way.
Many people don't understand the relationship that we had.  I was her remote-fixer, her fudge finder, her seasonal decorator, her hair comber, her nail painter, her personal court jester, her phone programmer and her Angelface.
To most people a grandma is just a grandma.
To me, she is so much more.
I say IS because I know I'll see her again, and as I type this, I realize that she's waggling her finger at me saying "Dolly, be patient."
I know this.
I know that in her world, it's a blink of an eye and she's loving every minute of her hereafter.  I know she loves being able to walk and see and hear and use ALL of her fingers.  I know how happy she is to see my Gramps again and to hold his hand.
But, still, I can't help but wonder if she misses me too?  If she is repaying all those years that I spent as her guardian angel by being mine?  If she's the one that sends primary kids my way when I need a little spark of sunshine?
Maybe this is why I am so grateful for eternal families.   I am grateful for temple work.  I am grateful that my family is sealed together forever.  For those of you who don't know what these things mean and you want to have an eternal family too, please go to www.mormon.org or www.lds.org or just ask.
So, because this song means so much to me personally, as well as to the artist that wrote it, I think it bears repeating and replaying.
Grammy-I love you and I look forward to the day that I can see you again.

The Backwoods Barbie that Saved Christmas

Christmas has been officially salvaged for the year.
Since I know you're all super interested to know how it went down....here it is.

*My personal superhero (Tim) bought me a beautiful new tree and set it up.

*Midnight Madness with my BFF

*Reba McEntire's "Spirit of Giving" 

and this...

Not only has Christmas been saved, but I've been inspired to break a window, run away to the Smoky Mountains and adopt a cabin full of orphans.  

I know it's hokey, but I just CANNOT have Christmas without this movie.

If you haven't ever seen it, it's worth the watch.

And....

Merry Christmas.