Oh Montana...

Tomorrow I'm going to Montana.  Helena.  East Helena to be exact.  I grew up there.  I met my very first bosom friend there.  I got my first cat there.  I turned 16 there.  I got my driver's liscense there.  And now, after 15 years, I'm going back.  Back to the mountains, to the skies, to the cows, to people that I love.  However, I'm slightly apprehensive.  Let me tell you why.  (because I know you realllllly care...)  I am no different than I was when I left.  Yes, I'm taller, my hair is shorter, my backside is bigger and I have a husband.  Other than that, I have nothing to tell these people that I've left behind.  Yeah, I got married ten years ago and I have two cats and a job.  Woot.  Big freaking deal.  I was supposed to do amazing things.  I was suppose to save the world.  And I didn't. So what am I supposed to tell them?  I don't know.  I probably never will.  So, I'll shift the focus to my darling brother and his darling wife and their awesome baby.  And then to my mother.  And then I'll go make myself invisible.  So, dear Montana, I'm sorry for letting you down.  I'll do better so that I have something wonderful to tell you when I come back.

Inspiration in Strange Places...

Let me start with this.  I am not like everyone else.  I know this. I don't have fancy cars, or a fancy home.  I don't have a unique and quirky sense of style.  I'm not incredible beautiful or smart.  I don't have kids or a college degree.  I don't have one thing that I am super duper good at doing.  I think I am one person that is completely and hopelessly BORING. 

I came home for lunch today, feeling hopelessly BORING.  Boring hair, boring clothes, boring life.

While attempting to smooth my flyaways on my hair, I looked in the mirror and thought "Girl, you need to step it up and stop being so pathetic."  Then, like a hand to the forehead, I was struck by a scripture.  (Let's be honest, this doesn't normally happen...)

 Doctrine and Covenants Section 18 verse 10:

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."

My Heavenly Father doesn't care how pretty I am on the outside. 

He doesn't care what I drive or where I live. 

He doesn't care if I'm talented or smart or rich or skinny or dazzlingly beautiful.

He loves me.

That's all.

He loves me for me.

He loves the me that I am and the me that I will be someday.

He knows every one of my flaws...and He loves me anyway.

He loves me.

And that's really all that matters.

Wait, what?!

I agree with this face.  My little brother is someone's father.  As I watched him today with his son, I was astounded to find that the boy that I have always known as my big little brother is no longer a little brother, but a man who has a child.  WHAT!?!?!?!?!  It's heart warming to watch.  Really.  This man adores his son and the adoration is returned by this little boy.  He watches his dad's every move and vice versa.  I am so excited to watch the transformation that Dustin will make from brother, son, friend, accomplice and boy to father.  And...for the record, I love that baby.

Three words that make me happy.

Peyton Freaking Manning.

(that's all.)

Marriage 101

We all need a refresher course now and then...yes?
So, after 10 years, Tim and I are an old, married, (yet, very awesome) couple.
I was reminiscing about the first year or so that we were married and I tried so dang hard to be the perfect Mormon wife.  Then, sadly realizing that I would never be perfect, I gave up and just tried to be a good wife.  Then, I spent 6 ish years trying to be the best granddaughter/daughter that anyone could ever ask for, because that's what was needed at the time.
Well, now it's just the two of us again.
Life is busy.
Sometimes, crazy.
Sometimes, I'm just busy.  And crazy.
And I need to refocus on being the best wife that I can be.
He's my eternal companion and I adore him.
I loved him then, I love him still, I always have and always will.
So, I found this on (where else?) Pinterest!
http://imom.com/tools/build-relationships/30-day-marriage-challenge/
I'm doing it.
Starting now.

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of ones companion."

Gordon B. Hinckley

Over You...

This video may sound like it's about lost love...I suppose it could be, but that's not why it was written.  According to the website www.tasteofcountry.com, "The song was inspired by the death of Blake Shelton‘s brother Richie, but that story is only overtly told near the end."
I echo the sentiment.
"You went away, how dare you, I miss you.
They say I'll be okay, but I'm not going to
Ever get over you."
It's been almost four months.  I'm still sobbing.  Almost every day.
She was such an integral part of my life.  My best friend.  One of the few people who never doubted me, always thought I could be someone, something.  Someone I could always run to.  Someone who, no matter how hard her own trials were, had enough love and time to comfort me.  It's hard to just try and move on after 30 years of that.