My Life and Primetime Medical Dramas.

I am a HUGE Grey's Anatomy fan.  Like ...watched every single episode huge.
So.
Naturally, when I heard that this was Sandra Oh's last season, I was distressed.  I mean, she's Mer's person.
Like...
"If I murdered someone, you're the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. she's my person." - Christina Yang

So, I wondered...are they going to kill her off like they have everyone else? Or is she just going to pull and Izzy and disappear?
So, I watched tonight's episode...and here's what happened. (stop reading if you haven't seen it yet...and you want to.)
Basically, Christina steals a surgery because Meredith is busy being a mom.  Both admirable professions.  Meredith is understandably upset.  In her explanation, Christina explains that once upon a time, the two of them were walking the same path, heading for the same destination, together.  They had things in common.  They had inside jokes and a great unhindered relationship.
Then, Meredith adopted a baby and gave birth to another. Something had to give...and the path changed.  Meredith was on the fast track to mom of the year...while Christina was still ... Christina.
Both things are absolutely admirable and acceptable.
Most of the time.

I struggle with this on a daily basis.  I make friends.  I think we're awesome.  We do stuff together, we like the same things, we laugh and have fun, we cry, we vent, we live.

Then....something changes.

At first I thought I was just being a rotten, envious person. And then I realized, I'm not envious.  I love my life.  I love my little world.  And you love yours.  And that's okay.  But instead of being my person, you now have to be someone else's person.  And again, that's okay.  For you.
And I'm aware that you don't do these things intentionally.  I understand that family comes first.  I understand that mommyhood comes first.  I accept that.  But sometimes, I really need a friend...and when I struggle, I have no one to turn to because everyone is busy.  Busy with dance or gymnastics or soccer or school or life.  When my husband is gone, I have no one to call to go to the movies with...not because I know y'all won't go, but because I don't want to burden you.  I know you have more important things to do than watch movies and wander around the mall.

Infertility has made it so that I am forever stuck in young adulthood.  I still go to the mall and window shop.  I still go to movies.  I eat cupcakes for dinner...and breakfast...and lunch.  I wake up when I want to, I do what I want to, I watch what I want to...Tim and I basically do all the things we did when we were first married.  Not much has changed.
And that's okay.
I'm not saying that I'm sad or hurt or devastated because I've been through multiple Meredith's in my life...I just never pictured myself as Christina...
Please know that I think you're all great moms.  I think what you're doing is amazing.  I could never, ever do it.  Ever.  Know that I miss you, but I would rather you be where you are because I understand the value of a good parent.  Know that I pray for you and your kiddos.  I love you and your kiddos.  And just because I disappear doesn't mean I don't like you.  It means that my road is going to a different destination than yours is...and they're very far apart.
I understand.
And I hope you do too.
And it's okay if you don't...
Because I'm okay.

Wait. I'm a WHAT?!?

Right at this moment, I am so mad and so hurt and so annoyed that I cannot even think straight.
So please...forgive my rant.

Someone showed me something the other day and prefaced it by saying
"I thought you would enjoy this because you're such a feminist."

Yeah, that's how I felt.

So confused that only a gif from the Kardashians could explain it.

Let's clear this up right now.

I.

Am.

Not.

A.

Feminist.

Nor will I ever be.

Don't get me wrong.  I firmly feel that women should have all the rights and privileges as a man.  I think things should be fair.  But that's because I think things should be fair for everyone.

(is that Kardashian clip making you crazy too? scroll down.)

HOWEVER.

(and that's a big however.)

I believe that God gave men and women specific duties and gifts and talents in this life.

I believe that we should cultivate those.

I believe that we should exemplify those.

Now, I know.  I'm not a cookie cutter wife/mother/daughter/aunt/sister/woman/Mormon.

I get it.

That is not necessarily of my own choosing.

But because I believe in a merciful, loving and teaching God, I accept the life I was given and will do the best I can with it.

But just because I don't have children and I have a career in a male dominated industry doesn't mean that I am a feminist.

It means I don't have children.

It means I love my job.

It means I'm Perfectly Katie.

Just because I stand up for women and girls everywhere doesn't mean that I am a feminist.

It means I am a human being with a heart.

Just because I am more comfortable in a truck wearing blue jeans doesn't make me a feminist.

Just because I enjoy sports and hot wings instead of a cozy, romantic dinner doesn't make me a feminist.

It means that I like football and pickups and hot wings.

I love my husband.  I support him in his duties as a man, my husband and a priesthood holder.

And let's get this clear right now.

I don't want the priesthood.

EVER.

I really have enough to do already without that responsibility.

And really?

What is wrong with just being a good woman?  NOTHING!  

A good woman can change the world and beautify it in a way that no one else can.

No person can love you like a mother or a sister or a "primary" mom can.

A man cannot do what a woman can.

This is obvious.

Now, don't call me old fashioned.

I believe household duties should be shared.  I believe bill paying should be shared.  I believe that men and women should treat each other equally.  

But...if my husband needs a sammich, I should and do feel great about making him one. If he needs a patch sewed on, I can do that. If he needs our home to be a place where he can relax and feel comfortable and watch football and eat my amazing nachos, I can provide that.

Not only am I a career woman, but I am also a woman of God.

Which means that I understand my role and purpose and I am doing my best to exemplify that role.

This doesn't make me less of a person.  It means I have love and concern for the well being of my spouse and for the children (although they are just primary children) and the pets that have been entrusted to me.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

So there.

Blargh.

Speaking of sammiches...I need to go make some because hunting season opens in 4 hours.

Off my soapbox.

Feminist, sheesh.

Girl, please.

12 years...

12 Years.

I have been married to my very best friend and superhero for 12 years on Saturday.

So, because I don't tell him nearly enough...

Here are 12 things I ADORE about Tim.

1. His smile.

2. His ability to make me laugh.  Even when it's inappropriate.

3.  His work ethic.  He works hard.  Sometimes, too hard.

4.  His dedication to his calling and to the priesthood.

5. His adventurous nature.  Always ready to explore.  And he always encourages me to explore too.

6.  His calming nature. 

7.  His eyes.  They twinkle.  I love that.

8.  His ability to fix ANYTHING. Seriously. He could give Bob Villa a run for his money.

9.  His superhero-ness.  He can always save my day.

10. He is an EXCELLENT uncle, brother, son, friend, cousin, grandson, etc.

11.  He is a good man.  They are so few and far between...and I got the best of them.

12. The way he loves me. Loyal, kind, thoughtful and sincere.

Happy Anniversary, Husbandito.

Love you to the moon.....

and back.